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1. Appreciate The Tension
It's important that we get to grips with the positive
effects of the tension that we feel between work and home.
A life without stress or pressure is no use to anyone.
Stress, in the same way as pain, helps us to see when
things need attention. For example, imagine that you're
standing in the kitchen and casually lean back onto the
hot hob. The pain you feel motivates you to take immediate,
remedial action. If you felt no pain, the consequences
could be disastrous.
The same applies to stress: while it motivates us to
take action, it's a good thing.
The tension that we feel in striking the right work-life
balance is important because it is exactly that which
motivates us to do the best we can. The tension we feel
is one which arises out of being a good parent - if
you didn't love your kids, you wouldn't feel the tension.
Welcome it as a healthy sign.
2. Get Organised
Most of us are used to organising our working day with
the precision of a military manoeuvre - appointments
are made (and kept), deadlines are worked to and so
on. We know that there will be a price to pay if we're
inefficient. At home, though, it's a different matter
- the price for inefficiency is far more intangible,
but arguably much more long lasting. Never having the
time to keep commitments at home only sends one message
to your child - that they're simply not high enough
on your list of priorities. The very fact that you're
looking at this website means that this is just not
true, but it may be more a matter of lack of organisation
than lack of love.
Start organising your home life like you organise your
work life. It needn't reach the levels of 'I've pencilled
in your bedtime story for two weeks on Tuesday, OK?',
but block out time in your diary when you're going to
do nothing except be with your family. Build in a few
gaps so that there's flexibility in your options - a
time that is good for you may - for all sorts of reasons
- be a really bad time for your child. If you work far
enough ahead, and build in enough flexibility, no-one
except you need ever know how organised you really are!
3. Start Pedalling.
Remember when you first learnt to ride a bike? The
art was to start pedalling, because that was how you
found your balance. You could have tried to get your
balance right before moving off, but you'd have found
yourself on the floor!
So much of being a parent is about getting going and
then making adjustments as you move along. So start
pedalling - if the tension becomes too much, admit it
and make sure that you make an adjustment.
4. Be Prepared To Make Mistakes,
But Pursue Excellence.
Every mum or dad comes with their L-plates firmly affixed
- for life. We'll never get it completely sussed and
we can be liberated by this knowledge. That said, although
we know we'll never be perfect parents, we can be successful
ones and pursue excellence in our parenthood. It may
sound trite, but doing your best is all you can do.
Expect mistakes - and don't be too hard on yourself
when they happen - but learn from them and move on.
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